6 Important Writerly Questions with “Andrew Munge”
1. Who are you? What are you doing here?
I’m Andrew Munge, pickup artist, penman, poet, pioneer and person. Most of all I’m the author of GETTING THE GIRL, Humorist Media’s BIGGEST selling book. My mission? To make men more mannish, mainly. On my book tour thus far I’ve met leagues of men who can’t talk to women, are scared of their dad, and don’t know how to fight (I do). I’m here to save MANkind. Ladies, you’re welcome.
2. Since “Where do you get your ideas?” is a terrible question, what made you want to write this book?
I’ll answer the first question.
I don’t know.
3. How did you keep writing this book?
It kept writing me. There are so many beta boys and semi men who struggle to navigate women that I had to author GETTING THE GIRL (Humorist Media’s BIGGEST selling book) to help them. Whenever I got writer’s block or writer’s elbow I would harken back to young Munge and ponder how he could have used this book. It breaks my heart to remember nine year old me, getting ready for my first date. Sadie Wart had invited me over to her house after school (I can still hear her say “don’t forget your N64!”) I put so much effort into getting ready, dressing in my church clothes, plucking my unibrow, and massaging shampoo into my skin so I wouldn’t stink. Dressed to the tens, I carefully carried my N64 in its original box – including four controllers, all with rumble packs, and my best games – over to Sadie’s. I couldn’t wait to finally play it with another child. When I arrived I was impressed at how many cars her family owned, only to discover it was actually Sadie’s birthday party and wasn’t a date at all. I was emotionally devastated, but endeavored to make the best of my plight, setting up my N64 and welcoming my new friends to play. Sadie then immediately asked me to leave and I walked home alone in the snow. Sadie promised to give my N64 back (I’d saved up all my allowance/nana inheritance to buy it) but the very next day her family moved to Africa. It was my worst birthday ever (it was my birthday too) and then my other nana died. That’s how I kept writing.
4. Who is this book for, anyway?
I feel I’ve already answered this but I’ll reiterate my point to boost our word count, thus the amount of advertising space you can sell. GETTING THE GIRL is for men who struggle to approach females. With my trademark TECHNIQUES readers will learn how to talk to females, how to date them and mate them. However, it’s more than just a pickup book, it’s a lifestyle guide, a non-religious Bible, an instruction manual on becoming a better, stronger, taller person. You can achieve anything, like how I made GETTING THE GIRL Humorist Media’s BIGGEST selling book. Even the publishers told me it couldn’t be done, that my book would never be so BIG, so this book is for every man who needs to hear he can do great things.
Women might like it too.
5. Any darlings you had to kill?
When I was five we had a cat called Darling. We had to put her down for being too old, but the poison didn’t work and Darling came back for a few seconds, screaming then vomiting then dying again. I had nightmares for years but now I never even think about it and don’t care and it doesn’t bother me. Now when I remember it I just laugh. I don’t care. What does this have to do with the book?
6. What are you working on now?
Finishing my newest book which I’ve been writing for two years. It tells the true tale of tracking down my father, reconciling with him, making him say sorry, and learning from him how to be a father myself. The book will be finished once I actually find my father.
But all that is for the future. Right now I can enjoy being Humorist Media’s BIGGEST selling book. They said it wouldn’t happen, but today I’m proud to reveal the dimensions of my book stand at 8.5 by 11 inches, making it BIGGER than any of the company’s other selling books. Originally I wanted GETTING THE GIRL to be the size of a fat atlas but the publishers wore me down. Even now they’re talking about making it “standard” size, but I’m sure that won’t happen.
Anyway, I have to go as my writer’s elbow is leaking.
Getting the Girl (a real book) by “Andrew Munge” (not a real person, thank heavens) is available now.
